my first post
Why am I here writing this post? Why am I not doing this in my journal? I guess I feel I need an outlet of sorts. And outlet to freely express myself and the thoughts that seem to float around in my cranial orbit. I had this thought early this morning around the idea of being seen, the ability to express ones self, especially if ones strongly identifies with their creativity, complexity of thought, imagination…whatever you want to call it. And that’s me. I find myself wanting to share how my brain works, the deep contemplation I sit in each and everyday…i guess I just feel like it has no where to go. Until recently, like maybe in last 12 hours, i have thought this was a role that a partner plays. Or maybe a deep friend or family member…but I don’t think that’s fair. If i have a desire to express myself or to expose the the parts of myself i mostly keep hidden for myself, then that’s on me to do find that expression and outlet.
So here I am. Writing. On a website. Why did I decide to do this instead of just putting it in a google doc for my own private consumption? Well… I think because it still doesn’t feel like it’s being released or shared when it stays so locked up. And my goal is to feel like I am releasing it so it feels more real, even if that is to the ethernet for no-one to find or discover. At least it made it somewhere else beyond my brain or the permission based tools i use that can keep it from being accessible. Maybe in a way, it feels like i am letting it free this way.
And what’s with the title, “written by me, not GPT.” I work in tech and use chat GPT all the time. So i know how to use it to make what we say sound better. I know how to use it for idea generation. I know how to use it so that it fills in my gaps. But i also know that often times it doesn’t feel human. Even when it makes mistakes, the mistakes are polished and almost perfect. And that’s so far from who we are as humans and who I am as a human. I want to come here and not be afraid to fuck up. To misspell. to create an incomplete sentence or not have the best narrative stucture. The beauty in these writtings will be that they come from a unfiltered, raw, human being that has their unique back story, own brain wiring, and can be one of the purest forms of human made expression/art/thoughts/experience…whatever you want to call it.
I’m here to be me. Only me. And nothing more.
