BUILD
my word for 2025.
I woke up yesterday morning with this word at the forefront of my brain. It stuck out to me like a massive billboard sign that was flashing the words BUILD each time by brain walked it’s pathway, which felt like every few minutes through out the morning. I took it a as a sign. I took it as intuition. I took it as the thing we just automatically know and feel without question or concern. Our mind and body telling us something that our other senses can’t. It feels purposeful. It feels like something that cannot be ignored. I love when these types of feelings come to the forefront. It’s truth. It’s without question. and It is without explanation. I don’t need to know the “why” behind the feeling or it’s origin. I know that it just is. And so i will follow. and follow in spirit. wholly.
As i accept the word BUILD, i get excited! I have a chance to shape and define the world around me just like an architect does when designing a home. There are no limitations when you are creator. Why not have a home that twist and turns if it’s the home you’ve built for you.
So what immediately comes to mind when I think about BUILDing in 2025. A few things:
I get to rebuild my physical strength. After overcoming two major health injuries two years in a row, I am now in a place where my body is a fraction of the strength and endurance it once was. But now i have a chance. A chance to rebuild my strength and routine in a way that’s balanced and supportive of where I am at in life. To re-approach my health in a new way that is not an obsession or a shame spiral depending on if i checked the box for the week on activities completed. But one that gives gratitude for the accomplishments, no matter how small or big. And hopefully an approach that makes me feel liberated in my body and all it can do vs thinking about it’s short-comings and what it “cannot” provide. My body is plentiful and is the only thing keeping me in this life and not the next.
I get to rebuild my financial wealth. This one has def taken some work to reframe. How can i be excited about burning all my cash away and in a position where I can’t afford a consistent roof over my head? Where i am strategizing how to set up my car as a sleeping quarters if needed? Well because, come to find out, money is not everything. And when it feels like you’re left with nothing, you realize you have everything. I have family, i have friends, i have laughter, experiences, conversations with god, i have a rich and beautiful past that makes life feel it’s happening in continuation of me as if i am a thread in the woven blanket of space and time, i have a deeper understanding of suffering and the critical role it plays in change and growth. I feel like i have this magnificent mini-universe inside of me and that universe will always be beautiful and full regardless of my dollars. I guess the full burn down of financial security has left me with great wisdom. Wisdom i would never have gained, if i never reached these depths of financial insecurity. And now i get to make the money back with a different perspective on how I associate my worth to it and how i spend my time to make it - which can be it’s own separate post on its own.
I get to build on my ideas. I get to build on my creativity. I’m a failed entrepreneur who’s primary reason for being on that path was to make a lot of money but in the process and through the repeated failures, financially obviously being the most epic of them all, i realized that entrepreneurship is still for me. And why is that? Well it could be because i love the pain, the controlled chaos of it all, the endless opportunities and unknowns it presents which in turn means a lot of excitement, or the volatile nature of the highs and lows which all feels much more familiar and natural rather than a steady, consistent safe profession. But above all of this, i just love the build. to make things better through ideation and trial and error. to distill down what could be a problem to solve and applying different solutions to that problem. I guess this is all to say, i like entrepreneurship because it allows me to continuously expand my curiosity learning new things, and use my critical thinking gifts and abilities in the most impactful way possible. I am challenged when i do it and it brings out the natural leader in me. I have a deep yearning to lead and to build and to solve. These are the reasons why I have chosen entrepreneurship. This is why I will continue to choose it over a consistent paycheck at another company. It gives me so much more than any other job could from a intellectual and spiritual perspective and maybe one day, it’ll turn a decent profit for me. And if it never does, then that is okay too…well i guess that’s okay? A successful entrepreneur is able to build a business that turns a profit so as i embark on this profession, i would like to know that I achieved some level of proficiency in the skill but i guess what I am trying to say is that the money is no longer the driver. the sincere curiosity and desire to create something that doesn’t yet exists is what will keep me doing this the rest of my life. I even see myself potentially leaving a company I start, once it finds product market fit and reaches some level of scale. I like to find the problem, solve it, and then repeat. And this year, i hope to get to do this in a way that is repeatable, exciting, and continuous to BUILD upon my career.
Lastly, I get to build my circle. I feel like i finally have an understanding of self which in turn helps me better understand the type of people and love i need to be around. I went to extremes in my 20’s over indexing with my people who are very similar to me in ambition and work ethic and in my 30’s i overindexed with people who live a life more catered towards social gatherings and having fun. And the truth is, i need both. I need both. I just have to figure out how to best incorporate these two parts of self, and in-turn, circles into my life in a manner that fuels both parts of self. So 2025 will be a year to BUILD a diverse community of all the amazing and different types of people i’ve met through out my life. TO make sure i hold the right space and gatherings for them and myself so we can all connect.
So there it is, 2025 is the year to build. and BUILD we go.
my first post
Why am I here writing this post? Why am I not doing this in my journal? I guess I feel I need an outlet of sorts. And outlet to freely express myself and the thoughts that seem to float around in my cranial orbit. I had this thought early this morning around the idea of being seen, the ability to express ones self, especially if ones strongly identifies with their creativity, complexity of thought, imagination…whatever you want to call it. And that’s me. I find myself wanting to share how my brain works, the deep contemplation I sit in each and everyday…i guess I just feel like it has no where to go. Until recently, like maybe in last 12 hours, i have thought this was a role that a partner plays. Or maybe a deep friend or family member…but I don’t think that’s fair. If i have a desire to express myself or to expose the the parts of myself i mostly keep hidden for myself, then that’s on me to do find that expression and outlet.
So here I am. Writing. On a website. Why did I decide to do this instead of just putting it in a google doc for my own private consumption? Well… I think because it still doesn’t feel like it’s being released or shared when it stays so locked up. And my goal is to feel like I am releasing it so it feels more real, even if that is to the ethernet for no-one to find or discover. At least it made it somewhere else beyond my brain or the permission based tools i use that can keep it from being accessible. Maybe in a way, it feels like i am letting it free this way.
And what’s with the title, “written by me, not GPT.” I work in tech and use chat GPT all the time. So i know how to use it to make what we say sound better. I know how to use it for idea generation. I know how to use it so that it fills in my gaps. But i also know that often times it doesn’t feel human. Even when it makes mistakes, the mistakes are polished and almost perfect. And that’s so far from who we are as humans and who I am as a human. I want to come here and not be afraid to fuck up. To misspell. to create an incomplete sentence or not have the best narrative stucture. The beauty in these writtings will be that they come from a unfiltered, raw, human being that has their unique back story, own brain wiring, and can be one of the purest forms of human made expression/art/thoughts/experience…whatever you want to call it.
I’m here to be me. Only me. And nothing more.